The Derby Hangover

Quickly I’d like to introduce my first and only derby wife, Maul E. Mayhem.  Not only did we begin our derby careers together in our little city of Chilliwack, B.C in 2010, but we actually began a lifelong relationship 20 years previous to ever putting on our first pair of rollerskates.

Maul E. and I met in a semi-circle of snot nosed and strange children years ago and formed a bond so tight, we could never truly explain it to others.

From hanging out as morbid little children in her parents’ kitchen creating our own spell book (complete with potion ingredients and specialty curses) to meeting in the local pub to create derby bylaws, we have always managed to share common goals.

How could you put a label on something so effortless and real?  Sure, we didn’t always agree on our pastimes (gutting fish vs. …not gutting fish, heavy metal vs. …anything but heavy metal)  but we have always managed to combine our interests into something we both enjoy (such as blood splattered pin-up zombies, or cheap beer induced angry singing karaoke).

As we became more acquainted with the derby community and culture and discovered the “derby wife” concept, we did not skip a beat in announcing our relationship to the world and our intent to forever seal the deal at Rollercon in 2012.

We have finally found a way to describe our deep connection as friends, our steadfast loyalty as bloodsisters, and our unwavering commitment as “wives” ‘til death do us part.

So here is one of the many reasons I think Maul E. Mayhem kicks ass, and you should too:

Six Reasons Why I Prefer Derby Hangovers to the
Other Variety…
By Maul E. Mayhem #666

1.) Waking up with barely faded permanent marker on my biceps can be covered with sleeved shirt
Waking up fully clothed in bed (or fully naked somewhere inappropriate) with a suicidal feeling of guilt and regret that can’t be covered with *anything*

2.) You just had the derby night of your life, great people, etc.. and you are jonesing for MORE but realize its Monday and its time for work, reality, school whatever… blah
Having a great night (or the parts you remember) with great people (who albeit may have spilt, broke, puked on your *fill in the blank*) where you are most definitely not jonesing for more of the hair of the dog… get that away from me!!

3.) I’ll take smelling like inside of a well-used wrist guard
Smelling like the inside of a bottle depot/brewery/hobos mouth?

4.) The bruises and aches and pains one wakes up to after derby is rewarding and earned
The bruises and aches and pains one wakes up to after a night of drinking involve having to solve some kind of unfortunate mystery… “and then I must’ve slipped on that guys’ puke and fell down those stairs… after running into that chair…”

5.) Having to answer to the Refs
Having to answer to the cops! (Another frickin’ noise complaint!?)

6.) Daydreaming about your next derby experience
Puking/dry heaving until 2pm the next day, right? … Enough said.

Check more of Maul E’s shenanigans on her Facebook page at:


2 thoughts on “The Derby Hangover

  1. ivangrozny says:

    We totally LOVE your writing, Evada!! MUST also find a way of seeing you (and Maul E.) at a derby action. Living in Blind Bay, we seem to be a long way from where that’s all happening, sadly. Never mind – we can hope …………..
    And KEEP WRITING – it’s magic stuff.

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