She makes me cry
Tears for fears of an admiration so deep
I do know know where it starts.
She makes me sigh
when I catch my breath and thank the cruel dark for
leading me to this light.
She makes me wake,
from deceptive realities without her smile,
to find her, each night, right there.
She makes me break
apart all those crooked bones, set incorrectly, and
helps reconnect me, again.
She makes me leave,
all of the war stories, weapons and wounds
at her feet, and will not let them invade
this new terrain.
She makes me believe
that we are all worthy of something so sweet and
we open up our eyes together
and release a long vibrating stretch
beneath a tornado of pillows, sheets and heavy blankets.
We yawn and blink
and I routinely smother you in kisses and back scratches.
I reset my alarm for another few minutes so I can soak in these sleepy moments.
These are happy moments.
I am always the first to finally lift myself up
and crawl out into the world
while you wait for me to coax your lazy limbs to the edge of the bed
and lever you down to the floor, arms perched beneath your warm belly like a forklift.
More stretching and yawning resumes
when those big paws reach the cool tile,
followed by the heart breaking wiggle of your stumpy crooked tail.
The house is cold. It always is in the mornings -
so hard not to retreat back into our nest
of memory foam and hand-me-down comforters.
I slip on my chewed up slippers
and grab my hoodie draped across your favourite leather couch,
I don’t even notice those course little of hairs of yours stuck in the fabric
You follow behind me.
I can feel your breath on the backs of my legs.
I always know you are right there.
I slide the chain lock off the door and rest my hand on knob for a moment,
twist and pull.
Icy damp air sweeps over us
and we step into the fog.
You suddenly remember how badly you have to go,
and scurry desperately ahead in search of that perfect little pad of mossy grass.
Little puffs of cloudy air dances from my lips as I call your name
into the mist,
you always come back.
Down the walkway we go,
one more time.
Imessage, Instagram, Facebook, Glassboard, Voxer, Whatsaaaaap?
You are funny. You are clever. You are worth something.
My reality in pixels and chimes.
Little green and blue bubbles –
bubbles containing calculated queries and quotes
in hopes that when looked upon by their eyes, they’d recognize
I was alive and
Why oh why did I not consider the worst
that these bubbles could burst -
the air escaped my chest with every hyperlink pressed
that confessed –
Blocked, restricted –
I was addicted –
to knowing why.
Am I so awful? When did I become so awful?
So bad that a smile on my face or to recognize the place I’ve been –
is not worth knowing?
So awful that I must be deleted, unfollowed –
Tough to swallow –
the truth –
that though I tried, I am not a guide,
but a maze of cords and wires –
not worth figuring out.
Little red symbols –
little red pinholes –
that pierced and bled at first
for once my existence was attacked –
Perhaps it’s best
that all this is left -
“It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all
The opposite of love
Choose to be the better man.
Choose to do the best you can.
Choose to sail the seven seas
Choose only the worthiest memories
Choose ever after
A Day in the Life…
I make a ton of commitments.
Stress about not being able to complete them all.
Lock myself out of my house.
Realize I lost my house keys.
Definitely do not complete any of my desired tasks.
Somehow smash the top of my head with the hatchback of my car while attempting to slam it in a quiet rage because I have lost my house keys.
Curse quietly about my self-inflicted mildly concussed brain injury.
Realize all my issues aren’t really ‘issues’, but opportunities.
Feel so ridiculous that I even feel sorry for myself for even a tenth of a second.
Realize that we are our own biggest critic.
Understand that I need to cut myself some slack.
Find my housekeys right where they are supposed to be. In a place I checked probably ten times already.
Vow to believe that nobody gives a shit about how imperfect I am.
Remember that those that count know my heart and love me and all my faults.
Treat myself to a healthy meal and some chocolate.
Cherish the love in my life.
Thank the universe for each day I am given.
Try and get a good night’s sleep.